NEW YORK (Dow Jones)–NBC Universal Chief Executive Jeff Zucker confirmed widespread speculation that he will leave the media giant after its corporate parent, General Electric Corp. (GE), completes a deal to sell a majority stake of the company to Comcast Corp. (CMCSA), the nation’s largest cable provider.
[The door is closing Jeffrey. Be on the other side of it, please.]
The move was Comcast’s call, according to a person familiar with the matter.
[Hello...Jeff? Comcast calling. Get. Out. Now. Seriously dude...what did you expect? When you took over the network's programming, it was #1. Now it's #4. One of the three networks now ahead of us was barely in existence when you took over. And the friggin' CW is about one Gossip Girl spin-off from overtaking us too. At the rate you're going, we'd be behind the DuMont Network by May sweeps. So we repeat. Get. Out. Now.]
In a memo to employees, Zucker said the deal’s closing is still months away, and he will remain in his job until then, and he will continue to approach his job “with the long-term interest of the company in mind.”
["If I leave now, I won't be able to negotiate as much severance. So I will cling to my desk like a baby koala to its milk-laden mama."]
“Now, it is clear to me that this is the right decision for me and for the company,” said Zucker, who has spent his entire 24-year career at NBC. “Comcast will be a great new steward, just as GE has been, and they deserve the chance to implement their own vision.”
["My vision? When I took over the network I added another hour of the Today Show, expanded thirty-minute sitcoms into forty-minute sitcoms, and dumped a truckload of money onto the cast of "Friends" so they'd do one last season that nobody would watch because their premise had long since run out. My entire tenure is one long string of cloning things that already exist and force-feeding more of those things to the public. In my career-defining move, I put Jay Leno into five primetime slots a week, creating what Entertainment Weekly would call the absolute worst show of 2009. I once ran four primetime episodes of Deal or No Deal in a six-day period. Wall-to-wall Howie Mandel... that's my vision. THAT'S...MY...VISION. Deal with it.]
He added that he has yet to contemplate what his next career move will be, but he “wanted to be honest with you about this news as soon as I could.”
["Even I can't see anyone ever hiring me again...but I wanted to pretend that my departure was at least a little bit voluntary so I'm releasing this news before anyone else does. But if I'm still here in February, they will bury me under the ice at the Rockefeller Plaza rink."]
Comcast’s chief operating officer, Steve Burke, a former Disney executive, is expected to take the reins at NBCU. Previously, the companies said Zucker would report to Burke, who would oversee the merger.
[Comcast: "You didn't really think we were serious when we said that, did you? C'mon...he programmed four primetime hours of Howie Mandel into six days. That's practically a war crime."]
Comcast’s landmark deal to control NBCU has been held in limbo since it was announced last year, subject to a regulatory approval process in Washington, D.C., that has grown heated at times amid controversy over the consolidation of media. For his part, Zucker had assumed an awkward position, since many observers have expected him to lose his job.
["Why would everyone expect me to lose my job? Just because a New York Times article called me "the most destructive media executive to ever exist?" That's a reason?]
Zucker presided over a difficult period for the company as prime-time ratings for its broadcast network plummeted to last place, while the rise of digital media and the decline of the U.S. advertising market has weighed on its overall business.
["So, I completely missed the boat on this Interwebs thing. Big deal. It's a fad--the CB radio of its generation. But I made it so you can watch entire episodes of Minute to Win It online. Hey--idea storm--maybe I'll supersize Deal or No Deal and Minute to Win It and use 'em to replace the Thursday night sitcoms. Three hours of Mandel and Fieri--that's what America wants."]
For his part, Zucker turned NBCU into a company largely comprised of cable networks, which have been the most profitable and resilient businesses in media, and he famously commented that the broadcast television model was “broken.”
["...And I should know: I broke it when I greenlighted "Joey".]
-By Nat Worden, Dow Jones Newswires; 212-416-2472; nat.worden@dowjones.com